JAUNT

Dialogue list

 

Ladies and Gentlemen welcome aboard this little jaunt this afternoon, we’ll be travelling from Southend on Sea up the River Thames and ending round about the Houses of Parliament.

No, Southend pier.

Our position is about 5 miles up the Southend Pier, it’s a nice day for fishing, surface winds at three five zero at one eight knots, we’ll be boarding shortly, you’re all clear for take off number 7 back by five thirty please.

Good afternoon Ladies and Gentlemen welcome aboard the Hollywood.

The Thames is quite clean, I think there’s a hundred different species of fish down there ; sharks, dinosaurs, that type of stuff you get in a fish shop.

My name’s George and I’ve been down here for nigh on 25 years farming cabbages with my three dogs, what we’ve got down here is a lovely, lovely look at nature, anything after that and you’re talking about a completely different kettle of fish.

And if you look out of the right hand side of the aircraft : TwoTree Island.

Lee-on –Sea that’s where they do the cockles, the mussels, the whelks, the eels, the winkles, they boil them up and send them to the big toilet : London.

Sing :
Row, row, row your boat
gently down the stream,
merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
life is but a dream.

Now what we’ll do on our way down we’ll try and find out a few places of interest.

Just over there, straight in front, in fact just beside us now, British Petroleum, Nuclear, Oil- Fired, Remedy Plant.

Information comes that his ship is approaching the boarding point just off Gravesend. Now his day has really begun.

Oh my name’s Terry Sharp and I’ve been working in the docks for twenty seven, twenty eight years, and err my wife she used to work down the mines.

Many famous people have been to that Tavern, people like Samuel Pepys and Billy Old.

We toward London in our boat and thus I by water to Greenwich and in our way observing and discoursing upon the things of a ship.

If you look ahead of us to our right hand side.

Ladies and Gentlemen just beginning to loom up inside the business class; the Dartford Bridge.

Hello, looks like trouble up ahead.

There was body found in the Thames and it could be Bill.

It’s all right the danger is behind us.

Samuel Pepys, oh I know him, a strong man, thin legs.

Thence to my office but by squeezing myself into a lighter-man I did hurt my testicles, but I hope it will cease its pain without swelling, so home to bed out of order and thoroughly miserable.

That used to be lifted by a hydraulic mechanism which only needed a pint of water.

Looking down above as below we can see the Thames Barrier Ladies and Gentlemen.

If you could pull over I’d like to board your vessel in search of contraband or anything skuldugerous.

The river police, they used to make out they was the ‘goodies’ and they’d go be up and down the river in the fog and what have you, they had a funny little boat really, I don’t know how they kept in it.

In the unlikely event of them being needed there is life rafts on the roof which will automatically launch by a senior member of the crew. Before we turn the boat around look ahead of us to the right hand side.

Most of the journey is already behind us.

Steadying down as she goes, Doglands.

Oh the Isle of dogs was because there used to be a great big massive dog that lived there.

You can see a flashing light in the distance, the Canary Wharf Tower which is 800 feet high.

Oh Canary Wharf, you’d think they’d keep canaries but they don’t, they keep small gorillas.

Oranges and lemons say the bells of St Clements.

The bridge we are about to go under is the Charing Cross Railway Bridge, it is also the Hungerford Foot Bridge. As we pass beneath the bridge if you look up above you you’ll notice how dirty it is underneath, well that’s because it doesn’t rain upside down.

Crown jewels, can you eat them?

And once they realised that the crown jewels had been eaten they ripped open his stomach and pulled out his bloody heart and put it on a stake down by the river.

The ugly looking dark glass building to our left, we don’t know much about that but we think it might be the training head-quarters for window cleaners or something like that.

Now if anyone would like to get a picture of St Paul’s, look in a gap in the buildings to our left, the City of London is one of the smallest cities in the world.

After seven weeks afloat the crew can relax a bit they are almost home.

Ladies and Gentlemen: as you can probably hear we are approaching the Houses of Parliament at one three zero, zero feet, we will be landing there shortly, conditions outside are miserable to sunny with the Houses of Parliament becoming more slowly. Thank you for flying with us today and I hope you enjoyed the river Thames.

Goodnight.

 

 

Film by Andrew Kötting.

Super 8 Cameras : Gary Parker. Andrew Kötting.
Music : John Wall, Andrew Kötting.
Sounds : Andrew Kötting.
Editor : Cliff West.